It's a slippery slope...

Every once in a while, my mind wanders into some dangerous territory and I allow myself to dwell on certain questions that haunt me...

"Will kids pick on Zach as he gets older because of his health condition?"
"Will he 'fit in' when he is a teenager?"
"Will he be physically able to participate in PE?"
"Will he be physically able to play on a sports team when he is older?"
"Will he have to have more surgery?"
"What will Zach's life be like as an adult with CHD?"
"Will he be sickly?"
"Will he be able to work or will he have to go on disabilty?"

Once I allow them into my mind, these questions won't leave me alone. They peck around inside my head and bring me down. When I allow myself to ponder these things... when I open that door just a crack, more negative thoughts and more questions force their way in. I find that once I start thinking, I cannot stop. The negative thoughts take root in my mind and grow like an aggressive vine, wrapping chutes around every positive thought... smothering... choking. These thoughts lead down a very dark path.

These are the things I must turn to when my mind gets carried away.

Truth is what I need to dwell on when I start down that slippery slope. Truth uproots that deadly vine. Truth shines light into dark places. The Truth is that Zach has done incredibly well in his 4 1/2 years despite his medical diagnosis. There is no reason to believe that he won't be able to do whatever he sets his mind to. 

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

Faith forces me to change my focus from these worldly troubles and "turn my eyes upon Jesus." Jesus is Zach's Great Physician. Jesus is Sovereign. Jesus has a plan for Zach's life and will equip him and us to live it to the fullest. If we have Faith.

"He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm." Matthew 8:26

Hope keeps out those negative thoughts and searing questions. Hope allows us to dream big for our Little Heart. Hope reminds us that awareness and advocacy lead to research and research leads to improved healthcare for CHDers and improved healthcare leads to a better life.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

 
Truth, Faith, and Hope cause me to turn from the negative and seek the positive... to turn from what the devil would have me focus on to the abundant life that Jesus intends. For Zach's sake.

What helps you fight off the questions that haunt you?

Every Heart Has a Story...

Today my good friend and fellow heart mom, Stef, shown below, is hosting a linking blogging thingy. Not sure what to call it, but it is a great way for heart families to connect and share their heart journeys. It is also a great way to spread awareness of the #1 birth defect in our country - Congenital Heart Defects.

Every heart is different but one thing's for sure... Every heart has a story! For us, we were "adopted" into this world of CHD's.

Just to catch you up, we began the process of adopting Zach about 2 months before he was born. We took his birth mother, Nora, to several doctors appointments, but never knew that there was a problem with his heart. Rewind to April 29, 2006...

Our family a few hours after Zach's birth --- before we knew there was a problem...

Click here to visit and read the rest of this earlier post telling Zach's heart story...


Now, in August of 2010, I am proud to announce that we are post-Fontan and Zach is doing great! He is an amazing boy who is full of life and smiles for everyone he meets. He has started preschool and is learning new things every day. We are blessed.

Making a list and checking it twice...

I'm making a to-do list and a packing list and a shopping list. We are getting ready to head to the "Low Country". MUSC. The Medical University of South Carolina. That place that causes a jumble of emotions --- hope, fear, determination, dread, relief, exasperation, compassion, fatigue, gratitude. Right now, the list-making is a way to occupy my mind with some purpose. Otherwise, my mind will carry me away to places that I don't want to be --- places where I fret and worry about that which I cannot control.

Zach asked me this morning, "What'cha doin'?"
"Making a list" I said.
"For what?" he asked.
"Of things to pack for our trip to Charleston" I said.
He thought for a moment. "Where I gonna stay?"
"You're going with Mommy and Daddy" I said.
"Why we going?" he asked.
"So we can go visit Dr. Bradley and some of his friends" I tried to say with some excitement in my voice.
"I don't want to get a shot" Zach said.

Fortunately, he dropped the conversation then and went back to munching on his breakfast.

My heart was so heavy as I thought about picking up the conversation with him later in the week. We must prepare him for what he is about to experience. We must help him to understand that he needs to go through this to make him better. There is no way he can understand it. He must learn to trust Mommy and Daddy to take care of him and do what's best for him. In the same way, my burdened heart must learn to trust the Lord to take care of us and do what's best for us.

It is all about faith.

Psalm 143:1
O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.


Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
 
Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.


Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.