One day, I was sitting at my computer, typing away on some paper for grad school, stressed to the hilt, when my wonderful husband, Bill, came home from work and said, "There might be a baby for us to adopt!" I promptly told him that he had lost his mind and went back to my paper. I was working under a looming due date. Little did I know, so was God...
You see, Bill and I had been blessed 8 years earlier in 1998 with a beautiful, bouncing baby girl. When Rebecca was about 18 months old, we began to try for a second child. God had given us a promise from His word before Rebecca was conceived: (emphasis added by me)
Ps 127 - Passage Lookup - New International Version - BibleGateway.com:
A song of ascents. Of Solomon.
1 Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to [a] those he loves.
3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate."
As far as we could tell, our quiver was not yet full. We thought we would conceive quickly like we did with Rebecca. Our plans were not God's plans. I obsessed over trying to conceive, taking my temperature every morning and standing on my head. I had surgery in 2001 to remove an ovarian cyst and the doctor found endometriosis. We tried Lupron shots to get rid of the endo, but the side effects were worse than the endo. Finally, in 2003, we were thrilled to find out that we were expecting, only to have that dream come crashing down in the form of a miscarriage at 9 weeks. We were crushed and my faith was at an all-time low. When I was finally able to give up my dream of having another baby, I found some peace. Letting go and letting God is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
To be continued...